Hi there! Chess here with another embarrassing, yet exciting story. It is embarrassing because it proves that I am a dog, and that I don’t know how to read one of them things that hang on the wall that humans call a calender. Apparently, they are supposed to tell the future, but I don’t know how to read it, so I never bothered to pay any mind to it.
Anyways, my two favorite days are Thanksgiving and Christmas (those are the two days that humans make the most food ya see), and I’ve always known that Thanksgiving comes before Christmas, but I can never tell WHEN the next Thanksgiving is supposed to happen. It seems to be so far apart that I nearly forget about it and then all the sudden I’m eating more food than my stomach can hold!
Well, I got tired of having to be surprised every time Thanksgiving comes around without a word of warning, and that my friend, is when I set my mind on figuring out how to decipher that crazy calender!
Cody had just gotten home from school when I made my astounding proclamation (to myself of course) and was doing his homework on his bed, and listening to music, and texting, and doing something on the computer, why he does all that at once I’ll never know. Anyways, I say that to say that he wasn’t paying me any attention. I could have tore his room apart and he would have been reducing fractions, typing on the computer, texting 50 miles an hour, and dancing to the tunes of “…Everybody Clap Yo Hands…”!
So, I decided this would be a good time to give the calender a good looking over and took advantage of the situation. I jumped off of the bed and tiptoed over to his desk and grabbed the light wooden chair that was pulled up to it, with my teeth. I dragged it to the wall on the other side of the room (where the calender was) and shoved the back of the chair right up to the wall. I had glanced at the calender before, but I knew that if I wanted to study it, I would have to be much taller than I was.
Cody made a noise so I froze and looked over my shoulder to make sure he was still occupied, and I saw him bobbin’ his head up and down and writing something. Couldn’t help but to think his handwriting probably looked pretty bad, but at least he hadn’t noticed me.
I put my front paws up on the chair so I could see the calender. But I was still too short. I gave Cody one more glance and then jumped and landed my back legs into the small chair with my front paws on the chair back, and my face much to close to the wall. The chair teetered and squeaked and I just knew I was fixen to kiss the floor. My eyes were squeezed shut and I was extremely tense for about 30 seconds, then I realized that I hadn’t fallen, so I opened my eyes one at a time and breathed a sigh of relief when the chair was completely still. So, I looked at the calender that was now less than an inch away from my nose.
On the top half of the calender, I saw one big picture of pumpkin patch that had a scarecrow right in the middle of the patch, and on the bottom half, lots of boxes, numbers, and letters. I stared hard at this future teller but couldn’t figure it out. I tilted my head this way and that way but I couldn’t figure out how to decipher the future teller. Maybe the picture held the key. But those were just pumpkins. Wait! The pumpkins! Of course, Cody’s folks always decorate with pumpkins and leaves and stuff right before the big feast. That meant, that Thanksgiving was real soon! I couldn’t believe it, I actually figured out a human future teller!
“Chess what on earth are you doing?!” Cody’s voice was a very disturbing interruption to my patting-myself-on-the-back party. Because he scared the wits out of me, I smacked my head into the wall which caused me to shift my carefully balanced weight a little too much and dumped myself out of the chair! I hit the ground much to hard for my liking and just laid there while Cody looked at me like I had four heads and snickered.
“Chess, how do you do the craziest things right under my nose and all I ever get to see how the crazy scheme ends?” He shook his head and came over, patted me on the head and moved the chair back to his desk, looked at me and shook his head again before he said, “I really wish I could have seen you take that chair over there and how you got in it without busting.” He laughed again and said, “That chair is at least half you size, it’s a wonder you didn’t break it, you weigh like a ton!” He laughed again and looked at his watch, then he said, “I’m starved, let’s go get lunch.” And with that he walked out of the room and down the hall.
I would have followed him but I was shocked from what he had said, he said I weighed a ton! I don’t know how much a ton is, but it has to be way more than I would have liked to weigh! How was I supposed to eat all the food on Thanksgiving and still look like a muscular dog? If I already weigh a ton, what would I weigh after all that food I eat? Should I go without Thanksgiving dinner this time? Oh dear, that was a disturbing thought.
I plopped down on the bed and started thinking. I had lots of thoughts come into my head, some about turkey and dressing and cranberry sauce, some with ham with pineapples and cherries, and all the desserts that are brought. All that thinking made me realize that I HAD to have Thanksgiving! So there had to be some way I could have Thanksgiving and still have my fantastic figure.
Then I had it! If I lost a lot of weight before Thanksgiving dinner, then I not only would have to worry about weighing more than a ton, but I would have much more room for food! Oh yes that was the plan, now I had better put my plan into action if I wanted to be ready before Thanksgiving.
I stood up on the bed, stretched each one of my legs for about 2 minutes each, wagged my tail, rolled my neck around a couple of times to make sure I was loose and then started jumping! I bouncing all over that bed! I bounced right over Cody’s laptop, barely missed his phone, and absolutely, positively smashed his homework! But I didn’t want to stop, this was the funnest way to drop some pounds, why, I’m sure with every bounce a pound or two fell off! I kept right on bouncing and tried to get higher and higher. I was having a blast!
“CHESS!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Cody’s voice scared the dickens out of me and my back legs decided that was a good time for a back flip, because they missed the bed and I flew off the bed in a perfect back flip landing on my stomach. My breath was gone and all I could hear was Cody laughing.
He was leaning against the wall holding his stomach and laughing so hard his face was turning red. Finally, I got up and limped over to him and whined pitifully. He kind of stopped laughing, patted my head, and said shaking his head, “As I said, I only get to see the end of your plans. Crazy dog.” Then he walked over to the bed, looked at his homework and smiled. “At least I don’t have any more homework!”
Well, no matter how hard it is, I will be ready for Thanksgiving!