“Go talk to that boy, he needs someone to talk to.” said the voice in my head, like it did every time I saw the geeky Freshman named Lucus. Since becoming a Christian, I quite often get weird urges to do simple, but odd, things. Like picking up a pencil for a girl in the locker room, or writing a quick little “thank you” note to the bus driver. Sure, I can do those, nobody notices those types of things, but talking to Lucus, no way! That’s going way to far. If I get caught taking to that loser, I could lose, like, all of my social status. Not to mention my new friends.
“Just say ‘hi’ then and give him one of your smiles.” argued the persistent voice. I managed a quick glance at the new kid who sat all by himself with back-pack held close and looking as if he would be struck at any moment. I pondered what the Lord was telling me, but then answered, “But he’s way over in the corner. All my friends are here, surely someone will see me if I start walking his way.”
I shook my head to tell the Lord “no” then I walked to the table where my friends all gathered, talking of who liked who, who was going to who’s party, who broke up with who, and all of that kind of stuff. I knew that this was just gossip, and that most of it isn’t even true. The Bible says not to take part in it, and I don’t want to, but this is where I am comfortable, this is where I fit in, this is where I am considered “cool and not just another geek like him.
I follow the rest of my schedule, going from class to class, hall to hall, and room to room. I passed Lucus twice, but I ignored him like everyone else, my heart yearned to speak to him, to obey what the Lord had asked me to do, but I cared to much about me. I didn’t even pick up his notebook when he dropped it as he was shoved to the side.
At the end of the day as I mounted the bus, I glanced to the side and Lucus caught my eye. He was already walking home, carrying his back-pack and books under his arm. His pace was slow with his eyes fastened to the ground, “Please Jessica now! Go talk to him, can’t you see that he is hurting?” screamed the voice in my ears. But I didn’t even bother with a retort, I grabbed my ear-buds and plopped them in my ears.
Several hours later, I sat cross-legged on my bed, watching some dumb TV show that I can’t stand. But if I watch this next episode that is full of bad language and sexuality, I will be cool and get more friends. In the middle of the show, a friend from church sent me a text that cracked my heart and left me dumbfounded in tears.
“OMG, pray for the Johnsons’. Lucus was hit by a car on the way home today, he died in the ambulance. We are getting together meals, will you make something?”
“NO!” I screamed into the silence of my room, “Why God? Why? Why didn’t you save him? You were the One who told me he was hurting, you knew what he was going through! Why? Why?”
Tears streamed down my face as I heard the small, sad answer, “I tried my dear Jessica. I tried to use you. If you would have gone over to talk to him, I would have told you to invite him for dinner, he would have been safe on the bus with you. But when you refused that, I decided to save him in a different way, should you have simply said ‘hi’ and waved, I would have given him the focus to stay on the sidewalk and out of the road. But again, you refused even a small task such as that. He has never met me, Jessica, never even heard my name. That is why I pleaded with you on the bus, begging you to walk his way! But, you didn’t.”
I sobbed there on my bed, soaking my shirt and even my pants. I couldn’t breathe. “God, please,” I began praying, “please let me have another chance. You are the Creator of time, please, please, reverse it so I can save Lucus. Please, give me another chance.”
He was silent for a minute, and all I could hear was the fizz on the screen where the TV show had ended, my beating heart, and the beep of my cell phone telling me that I had a text message. Again I said “please”, waiting for God’s answer when all of a sudden, His answer was spoken very clear.
“This is just a dream, my dear, sweet Jessica, of what will happen tomorrow should you ignore my voice. I know that it will be hard to lose the acceptance that you have worked so hard to gain, but they really aren’t accepting you for who you are. They will only accept you for who they want you to become, and I do not want that for you. I have accepted you for you. I have accepted your flaws, your dreams, your beauty, your imperfections, your everything, and I am proud, Jessica, very, very proud, to call you My child.
I know that you are scared, but you need not have any fear, I am with you always. I will speak for you when you cannot find the words to say, I will listen to the cries for you that you cannot hear, I will see the things that you cannot see, and, my sweet Jessica, I will be your friend, your real friend, when no one else will.”
The next morning I awoke with a start, tear stains evident on my cheeks and pillows, but I lept out of bed and checked my phone for the date. Sure enough, yesterday’s date showed boldly on the screen and I danced around the room screaming and praising the Lord. I quickly dressed and bolted down the hall, kissed my parents on the cheek and told them that I was leaving early. I ran and I ran all the way to Lucus’s house, 4 blocks away, and nearly plowed into him as he walked out his front gate. I threw my arms around him and I thought that I scared him to death, but I began telling him about my “dream” anyways and was very surprised when he just smiled and said, “I know.”
I offered to carry some of his books and then we walked to school just like the best of friends.